my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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