It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
