meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
