well I can't set my house on fire every night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
