i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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