I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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