I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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