My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
