she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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