Your mouth is God's brothel.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are all done wearing pants today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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