this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
