Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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