I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
