I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So vagazzling was a success
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
