I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
