Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
