What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
