Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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