she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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