i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
