Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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