So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
