the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
