when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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