What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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