When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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