I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
