Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
