Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize