the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
