I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
