He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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