My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
