Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
