i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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