lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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