he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear god my vagina.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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