Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
