i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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