I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
