Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
