I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
