Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
