maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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