I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
