If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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