could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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