Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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