So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
North Korea, Best Korea!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
