Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
