the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
