I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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