I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
