Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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