it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
