Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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