I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
