Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
