it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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