Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
