Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
