No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
