I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So much Jack, so little girl.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
