sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
