he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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