Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
