8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
