i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
